Ups and Downs
It has been an interesting week for us. Last Monday I got a call from our social worker, responding to an inquiry by me, and she told us that we were approved by the agency on Friday, August 18th. We still haven't received the formal approval letter yet, but she assured me that it was true and that it may take a little while for it to come in the mail. We were really happy to hear that we would soon be able to be shown to birth parents.
The next day, we got an email about a prospective birth mom. It gave us some details about the family and the situation and we were able to decide if we wanted our profile shared. One of the most exciting pieces of information was that this birth mom's due date was Sept. 7th!!! I thought this was super exciting, I am pretty sure Chris was completely freaked out. In the end, we decided to have our profile presented and wrote the family a letter. The family would then look through the letters submitted and the profile books and choose one or two couples to meet. The birthparent counselor responded saying she would let us know either way at the beginning of this week.
On Wednesday, I received a phone call about a different birth parent. This time the situation was more complicated with a lot of uncertainties and variables. This baby was also due in September. I spent the day thinking about the situation and prayed a lot about what we should do. After talking with Chris, we decided not to have our profile shown in this instance. It was a really difficult decision, but as soon as we made it, I felt a relief and believe it was the right decision.
The next few days were a whirlwind of trying to get things prepared in case we were chosen by the first birth mom and a struggle with patience to hear back about the decision. Yesterday, I must have checked my email every 30 minutes, hoping for a response. At about 4:00 Monday afternoon we got an email that the birth mom went into labor last week and chose to parent.
It's hard to describe how you feel when something like this happens. I mean, I know it was a long shot and that we weren't even matched with the family yet. But I think the fact that the due date was so soon, you automatically start thinking about what your life will be like if you are chosen and do get to adopt that baby. I tried to stay grounded, but there was this glimmer of hope that tugged at my heart and thought that if I wished it hard enough, it would be true. It's different than with infertility. When you deal with infertility you basically have one shot each time and if it doesn't work it seems so final (especially with the more expensive procedures). Dealing with unsuccessful fertility treatments is devastating. This is disappointing, but there is still hope. This baby was meant to be with her birth family, it wasn't meant for us, but there is a baby out there that God has picked out for us and I believe that we will get to meet soon. Until then, "I will put my hope in God. I will wait, for He is faithful." (Lauren Gaskill)
