Faith through difficult times
So a lot has happened these past 10 days. We got a call from our birthmom (BM) on Saturday, Jan 20th at 5:30 a.m. She said that she was at the hospital and they were going to induce her. We quickly packed everything in the car and headed to the hospital. The trip was one of anticipation and excitement! We arrived at the hospital around 9:30 and was able to spend time with our BM in her room. Around 5:30 p.m. the doctor broke our BM's water and Chris went out to the waiting room, while I stayed in the room for the delivery. At 6:51 p.m. our baby girl was born! Mom did amazing throughout labor and both baby and mom are healthy and doing well. I am so grateful that I was able to be a part of the delivery! What an unbelievable experience!
After delivery, our BM and baby were moved to another room in the hospital and Chris and I were able to spend time with them, as well as hold the baby. We had been told that we might be able to get our own room at the hospital, so that we wouldn't have to get a hotel room, but no one at the hospital offered that to us. So that night, we stayed in a hotel room and came back the next morning.
When we got to the room on Sunday, the mood was much more somber and felt more awkward then the previous night. We brought breakfast and a picture frame with pictures of BM and baby for her to keep. We spent a lot of time in the room with BM and baby, but it felt strange and I started getting really scared that BM was changing her mind about the adoption. We both were able to hold the baby Sunday, but BM spent most of the time with the baby and did all of the feedings and diaper changings. I tried to stay hopeful and told myself that maybe she wanted to spend as much time with her now, in anticipation that she wouldn't have that time in the future. But as the day progressed and BM became more distant toward us, my emotions got the best of me and doubt began to creep in.
Sunday was the hardest day at the hospital. I was an emotional wreck and we had no guidance as to what we were supposed to be doing. Should we give them space??? Should we be there as a support?? We did not know what to do or how to act and really felt like we had no one to go to for answers.
**(I should throw out a side-note here about adoption in Ohio. Birth parents are not able to sign surrender papers before 72 hours after birth. Since our baby girl was born Saturday evening, the earliest that any paperwork could be signed would be Tuesday evening. However, since she was born outside of the work day, it was told to us that the earliest paperwork would be signed was Wednesday morning.)
Finally, Sunday evening, I texted our BM's counselor through our agency and told her we were having a hard time. I asked her for some guidance. She basically said that the hospital should have a social worker who would meet with our BM for support and advocate for us as adoptive parents with the hospital staff. I told the counselor that none of us had seen any such person at all. She said that maybe because it was the weekend, and that hopefully Monday the social worker would be back on staff to help. (Gee...thanks...)
Since getting a room at the hospital seemed unlikely, we reserved another hotel room for Sunday night. We stayed through supper time with BM and baby, but left soon after because I needed a break from everything. We picked up dinner and wine, and went to the hotel room to unwind a little.
Monday morning we headed back to the hospital. When we got there, we were happy to hear that BM was meeting with the social worker. The staff was much nicer Monday and even showed us to a smaller and more private waiting room. When BM was done with the social worker, she texted that we could come in. BM shared that the hospital was going to discharge them that evening, which meant she had a decision to make. She could take the baby home, she could let us take the baby home as foster parents until papers were signed, or the baby could get placed into a separate foster placement until papers were signed. We talked about her options and she also shared her concerns about the adoption.
I am so grateful she shared her concerns because I felt like it addressed the elephant in the room and gave us all time to discuss our fears and reassure each other. She also shared a lot about her childhood and her family, which was interesting to hear. After our conversation, I felt more at ease being in the room and a little more hopeful that she was still considering her adoption plan. She also made it sound like she was planning on letting the baby come home with us as the foster parents. We stayed in the room until early afternoon and then I told her we were going to give her some private time with the baby before they were discharged. So we got some lunch and then sat in the waiting room.
Around 6:30 p.m. our BM's counselor let us know that she was with our BM and doing some paperwork. She would let us know when we could come back to the room. I swear that wait between 6:30 and 7:30 seemed like an eternity. We prayed constantly that everything would work out and that our BM would have the strength and willpower to follow through with her plan. We were really starting to get worried and then the counselor texted us to come on back. We got just outside of the room and the nurse went over discharge information for the baby. We went in the room and spoke with our BM and counselor, signed some foster paperwork and got everyone ready to leave. We all walked out together. The counselor took our BM home.
When we were on our way home, the counselor texted after dropping our BM home and said she didn't think that the BM would sign papers Wednesday. I was really scared at hearing this. I texted a little back and forth with her and figured out that she didn't necessarily mean that she wouldn't sign at all, but that she might need more time, so it might be later in the week. I still was scared at hearing this, but I felt a little better that there was still a possibility that she would sign. I also felt that the more time that BM spent at home in her reality, the more likely she would remember why she originally made an adoption plan in the first place.
So now it has been a week that we have been fostering and no papers have been signed. I am in touch with BM through texts daily. We are hopeful that BM will sign surrender papers this week. Until then we are doing our best to stay faithful and to pray like crazy that this precious little girl is who God has planned as our daughter. We truly do appreciate all of the support and prayers we have received the past 10 days. It is by the grace of God and the support of friends and family that we have been able to push forward each day and stay hopeful. Please continue to pray for our BM to have strength and the willpower to follow through with her adoption plan. We will keep you all posted as things progress and we hope that we will be able to celebrate our little girl very soon!
**Just to clarify, we do have a name for our baby girl, but until papers are signed, I am not sure we are able to post it online, so I have refrained from using it for now.
